He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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