I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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