You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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