I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
