It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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