Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The Olympian is in my bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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