Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
