lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
