That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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