I haven't been this sober since birth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
