I'm so fucking centered right now
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
