On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
