babies were throwing up all over the place
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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