I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
