vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
