well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
