if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
