Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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