shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
