I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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