I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
