my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
