What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
