all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
