i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
