I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
