i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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