Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
