The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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