you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
