The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
