I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
