You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
