You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sarcasm needs its own font
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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