he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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