you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
