it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize