just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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