oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
