If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
