I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
