I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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