I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
