woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We left an ass print on the piano.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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