he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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