remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
