ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
