God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
