is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
