Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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