i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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