Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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