I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
