i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
