oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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