Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
