I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
