Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Randomize
