at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
