There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
