And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
