she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
