Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
