She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
