who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
