Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
