living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
