a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
