I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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