my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
