I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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