just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
