I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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