I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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