Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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