i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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