so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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