So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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