As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
