Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
