For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
someone owes me an orgasm
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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