Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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