Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
