The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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