I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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