lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
