Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
