my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
