I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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