it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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