so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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