i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
