dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
