Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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