Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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