Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
