Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
True but thats because hes a fetus.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
