I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
