I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
