Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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