I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize