if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
