Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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