Too much gin, very little bucket
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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