Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
please don't ironically join a cult
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