The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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