Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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