sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
