Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
