Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
