why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
