Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
