wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
