I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize