I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
